Once upon a time, there was a vampire named Edward. He was part of the Adam's Family.
Adam is edward's foster father. Edward knows nothing about his father. The only faintest memory he has is when he was a child of 4 years.
Dark, cloudburst, and there was a sense of something odious in the air. Edward was in his living room, playing with his toys he got for christmas. His father came through the door, drenched with the mixture of the rain and alcohol. Edward's Mother, Mary, the kindest living soul who was the only one to love him, did something to anger his father. He knew this because he could see his father getting mad and started to throw a tantrum. His father threw a plastic bottle at Mary, and she fell flat head first to the ground. The next thing Edward remembered was that he was adopted by the Adam's Family and that his mother was killed by his father 0.0 .
Edward was a weird kid. He had a really pale skin and glitters in the sun. When he was in teenager, he was always bullied. The most common incident was kids from the Chess Club hanging Edward half naked in the mid sun and pretend that he was a disco ball. =D
Currently, Edward has a girlfriend named Bella. What Edward doesn't know is that Bella is his sister XD. Bella was given birth to when her mother was dying. There was a world war going on now as well, being in the era of super cool technologies like x-ray vision goggles ( Edward spent his time spying on Bella with those goggles), war was super cool coz they had light sabers.
Edward signed up for the national service and was sent to fight in Congo against the evil nation of Bikini Bottom that was trying to take over Congo. The leader of Bikini Bottom was named Dick Head.
somehow, Edward ended up being in a one-on-one combat with Lt. Dick Head. Edward yelled 'I'm going to kill you dick head! and i'll cut ur head. and hang it on my wall, it would have the caption 'Dick.''
While Edward was yelling this, Dick Head sliced of Edward's manhood and right arm. And it was then, when Dick Head said in a voice that sounded just like Darth Vader
"Edward, I'm your father"
Edward screamed 'NOOOOOOOO..THIS LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THE STAR WARS MOVIE. FUCK. THIS MUST BE TRUE THEN'
" Oh, and Bella is your sister. man, you sick freak. that's incest freako.'
Edward couldn't take this pain anymore, so he went into the teleportation thingy and teleported to the year 2009.
Moral of story: always keep your manhood protected and use condoms =D. And boring stories will come to you when u'r bored.
